Best Comebacks for Bullies: An Ultimate Guide

Are you on your way back home after a heated argument with someone? Is it already too late to come up with a great comeback? We’ve all been there when you can’t think of the right thing to say until much later. There’s even a French word for it: l’esprit de l’escalier.

Whether it’s elementary school or working in an office, you will find bullies everywhere. These people can know when someone is feeling good about themselves and how to ruin that feeling.

Bullies love being the center of attention and believe that the world revolves around them. But you must stand up for yourself and learn to shut them down. 

Don’t miss the next opportunity to use these great comebacks against bullies. 

Good Comebacks for People with an Ugly Personality:

  • It brings everyone such joy to see you — leave the room. 
  • Where did you learn to be this stupid? Do you give lessons?
  • Let’s reward your family for tolerating you every day.
  • Sadly, you can’t edit out your ugly personality. 
  • If your parents wore a condom, could they have avoided a stupid mistake? 
  • Have a nice day on the other side of that door. 
  • You are entitled to your stupidity. Just as we are entitled to ignore it.
  • I feel bad for all those trees that work so hard to provide you with oxygen. Let’s apologize to them. 
  • I wonder what you would look like with a personality?
  • You are a migraine personified. 
  • Calling you a bitch would be an insult to the animal kingdom. 
  • Oh, look. It’s your nose again, in my business.
  • I knew idiots existed, and I’m glad I discovered the best one. 
  • Did you win a medal for acting crazy, or do you do it for free?

Witty Comebacks For Dumb Bullies:

  • I doubt you have spent a day being useful. 
  • McDonald’s makes special Sad Meals for people like you. 
  • Oh, please don’t take this as an insult; I was describing you. 
  • I would have taken that insult, but I thought you were referring to yourself. 
  • Success is scary, but you have nothing to worry about. 
  • Two faces, and none of them are pretty. 
  • Do you roll your eyes to look for your brain?
  • You are not entirely useless. You would make a great organ donor. 
  • Are your parents doing a good job of being ashamed of you?
  • Are you sure it’s not a “you” problem?
  • I loved everyone until I met you. 
  • I would love to explain it, but I don’t have time or crayons. 
  • Your kids will be brilliant. I’ve heard genius skips a generation. 

Snappy Comebacks for Stupid People

  • I just had a vision; your wife brought a date to your funeral. 
  • I think that’s a fire truck — hurry, jump in front of it! 
  • I’m jealous of people who have never met you. 
  • Are you Google? Because it seems like you know everything. 
  • You make evolution sound like a joke. 
  • Can you keep your nose out of my business?
  • You are as useful as sunscreen at night. 
  • You remind me of period cramps.
  • I think your last two brain cells have left the conversation. 
  • Sweet of you to think that I’m interested in your opinion. But I’m not, bye!
  • If I were jealous of perfection, I would definitely not be jealous of you. 

Clean Comebacks for Nagging Bullies

  • I’m sorry, but you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares. 
  • A raised voice does not make for a better argument. 
  • You know what’s nasty? Your face.
  • Even make-up can’t cover your ugly personality. 
  • The Guinness Book of Records called. You just broke the record for the stupidest person ever. 
  • I don’t remember asking for your opinion. 
  • You lie beneath my lowest priority.
  • You seem to be the kind of person who thinks the earth is flat. 
  • You are the reason my therapist put me on medication. 
  • Your stupidity is unbeatable. 
  • I appreciate your obsession with me, but please stop.
  • I hate it when people drop their trash outside the bin… who dropped you here? 
  • May your bed never be comfortable. 
  • Oh, what genre of stupid are you?
  • Oh, are you just one of those people who think that the world revolves around them?
  • Accidents happen, and so did you. 

Rude Comebacks for Unfunny Bullies

  • Is your mama as disappointed in you as I am?
  • In my whole life, I have never seen a person so confident about an incorrect opinion.
  • I thought my migraine was unbearable, but then I met you. 
  • Did you see the breaking news? The psychopath on the loose looks just like you.
  • You must be the king of the Land of Stupid. 
  • Have you spent your entire life being so petty?
  • I have a good comeback, but you won’t get it. 
  • Are you looking for attention? Sorry, I don’t have any.
  • I wish I had brought my glue stick to shut your mouth. 
  • I was the happiest person until I met you. 
  • Someone, please come and pick up the trash. 
  • I don’t need to ruin your life; I see you are doing that all by yourself.

Clever Comebacks for Dumb Bullies.

  • Did you forget to pack your brains this morning?
  • Do you think breaking others will fix you?
  • I don’t remember involving you in my plans. 
  • Were you born this stupid, or did this happen gradually?
  • Your actions say a lot about you. 
  • Your actions will take you far, but please don’t come back from there.
  • Even a paperclip has more personality than you.
  • You are free to go: being dumb is not a crime. 
  • Sorry for being stupid. I thought you wouldn’t understand me otherwise. 
  • I’m waiting for the day you say something meaningful. 

About Bullying 

Bullying is a huge issue. No matter who you are, bullying can make you feel anxious, stressed, scared, alone, sick, embarrassed, hurt or even sad. No one likes to be insulted. But bullies do it to give their egos a boost. 

Bullies victimize others by doing the following. 

  • Physically assaulting by hitting, kicking or pushing 
  • Intentionally excluding others
  • Name-calling
  • Intimidation 
  • Teasing and taunting
  • Insults
  • Even spreading rumors and lies about others. 

And a lot worse.

On a different spectrum, adult bullies are often more sophisticated in their approach. These are the kind of villains you see in movies. These bullies go behind your back and stab you with a knife. They might also appear to be your friends — frenemies, as they say. They might ask others to bully you, spread rumors about you or start smear campaigns about you. They are insecure in themselves, so instead of doing better, they make you feel worse and target your reputation. 

A bully’s goal is to harm and humiliate others to target their self-worth and reputation. 

In elementary schools, mean kids forcefully take someone’s lunch, money or belongings. They might also make fun of them. Bullied kids are also excluded to make them feel less important or to belittle them. Bullies show power by being rude.

Some bullies will go to the extent of threatening people into doing things that they do not consent to. 

A bullied child may stop wanting to go to school. They might constantly worry that as soon as they step onto the playground, a bully will come up and humiliate them. You will notice that they are isolating themselves. They won’t enjoy the things they used to. 

Bullying is a problem for everyone, not just kids. Whether you are being bullied in school, at home, in the park, or at the workplace, you might start associating those places with fear and violence. And that adds up to more stress for the victims and their loved ones. 

Knowing Bullies

Before you think of some snappy comebacks, the first thought that might come to mind is: Why do bullies act this way? 

It is all about a power-play. Bullies want to assert dominance, to feel big and powerful. They are looking for attention. They feel like attention will bring them popularity and significance. 

Bullies may come from homes where yelling and anger are the norm. They mimic how people around them act, by name-calling, or being angry and physically aggressive. Often, bullies are also bullied themselves, and they perpetuate this cycle.

The driving force may be different for every bully. However, most share some common personality traits. They are insecure and sad. Regardless of anything, nothing can justify bad behavior. 

It is not like bullies are not aware of their own behavior. They know their actions cause pain and how hurtful they are. They just don’t care about how they treat you or the hurt they cause.  

How do Bullies Pick Their Targets? 

Bullies prey on those they think they have power over. Kids that are sensitive or easily upset are often their favorite targets. Bullies feed their egos on how their victims react. The bigger the reaction, the better they feel about themselves. If you can’t stick up for yourself or come up with a good comeback, you will become their favorite person to bully. 

Bullies may also pick on someone if they feel they are different from them. They will pick on anyone, from intelligent kids to the physically impaired or those who are skinny or fat. They pick on anyone that’s not a bully like them. Sometimes they might just pick on you for no reason. 

How to Deal with Bullies

Now you know how bullying affects individuals and how big of a problem it is. The best approach is simply to try and avoid bullies. But if you do run into them, then what can you do?

Let us explain. 

Avoid going Face-to-Face with a Bully

A bully will not miss an opportunity to tease you. So, please don’t give them a chance. If you are in school, you can avoid places they usually bully you. This does not mean you go into hiding; just change the places you hang out and the routes you take. Do as much as you can to not confront them. Its ‘simple: you don’t encounter the mean kid, and you won’t get bullied. 

Encountering a Bully

After all this hiding and avoiding, has the bully still found you? If so, here’s what you need to do:

Stand tall

It is difficult to be brave when a person scares you, but it is a battle you must fight, a problem you must deal with. Once you start acting brave, you will begin to feel it. Stand firm and make them feel that they don’t care. You can also verbally crush them with some great comebacks.

In the face of bullying, we should bravely stand up to resist and express our firm position instead of being timid and shrinking, letting the bullies know that we are not easy to bully. 

How do you express a strong stance against bullying? For example, we can set up an anti-bullying organization, organize a series of anti-bullying activities, or produce anti-bullying-themed peripheral products, such as pins. These practices may give us the courage and strength to hold our heads high and stand up to bullying. Protect yourself and those around you. If you want to create anti-bullying-themed pins, Pins.US is a great option.

Don’t let them get to you

A bully’s primary purpose is to make you feel bad about yourself. But if you feel good about yourself, they can’t do that. So, how can you feel better about yourself? Perhaps you can be more fit. Hit the gym, do some cardio, skip junk food and reduce your Netflix consumption. You can use a bully’s words to impact you negatively or positively.

You can hide away in your bedroom and eat unhealthy fast food as much as you like, but at the end of the day, it will make you feel bad about yourself. A mean kid will sense that energy and bully you if you feel weak. But if you are confident and in good shape, you will not be an easy target for them.

Also, try to shower first thing in the morning. Maybe add some exercise before that. Dress up well and look your best. A bully won’t stand a chance against you with their ugly personality. 

Be with a friend

Walking alone in the bully zone can be intimidating. Find yourself a friend who will walk with you if you are using the same route as the bullies.

A buddy will help you get out of trouble quicker in that situation. They may even call for help when you need it. And if they are ever in the same situation, you may want to do the same for them. You can stick up and around for friends. 

Ignore them

If a bully threatens you, you can just ignore them and walk away. Pretend you didn’t hear them talk. Move to a place of safety quickly. Your ignorance doesn’t feed their ego.

So by ignoring them you deprive them of the reaction they want. They won’t feel powerful and might stop ignoring you since you are not the weak target they were looking for. Self-control is important.

Say No

if you can’t think of snappy comebacks, just yell, “NO, Stop It!” loudly. After that, walk or run away if you need to. Don’t do as the bully says. If you see someone being bullied, stand up for them and tell the bully “No.”

You must protect yourself and others from mean girls. When you stand up for yourself, bullies leave will you alone and no longer find you an interesting target.

Come up with some good comebacks

You can use some of our great comebacks to get back at the bully. If you see them commenting on your looks, you can say, “I don’t remember asking for your opinion.” Or you could say something about their performance at school along the lines of: “Succes is scary, but you have nothing worry about.”

Once you shut them down they will probably be too humiliated to bully anyone again. Stay sharp and get back at them with some good comebacks. 

Don’t fight back

Bullies want you to react. If they push you, don’t push back. If they hit you, hurt you, or do anything of that sort, no matter how much you want to beat them up, just stand up and walk away. Fighting satisfies their ego but it might also get you into trouble. So, it is better to be around others, in crowded areas, where a bully can’t isolate and hurt you.

Don’t show your emotions

Act like you don’t care. To stop yourself from feeling angry, practice some breathing exercises. You can also count backwards from 100 to 1 to distract you from the bullies. Once in a situation, it is better not to react emotionally. Move to a safe place, where you can show your feelings to people who care.

Talk to a person in authority

Historically, bullying is often associated with schools and playgrounds. However, a bully can exist anywhere, from school to college, workplace or even in a household. Depending on where you are, tell someone who can help you take some action against the bully.

Find someone you can trust, like an adult, and tell them about your situation. Go to the head office and complain in school or college, or to your parents or teachers. In a workplace, inform Human Resources. At home, if a sibling is bullying you, tell your parents. If it’s your parents, tell your extended family or the parents of a friend who you trust to understand the situation. 

When you speak up about your problems, others in your situation may also find the courage to speak up for themselves.

What Happens to Bullies?

Sooner or later, bullies end up in trouble. Since they are bullies, they have a lot of negative energy, affecting their friendships. Their friends, usually other mean kids, end up leaving them. They lose their power over others and their friends move on to better lives.

Everyone’s behavior is their own choice. However, bullies or mean girls justify their behavior by blaming it on others. A bully may say they called you names because you didn’t give them your lunch. Or hit you because you didn’t finish their assignment. According to them, being an easy target is your fault—a classic case of gaslighting.

Their notoriety is short-lived. Bullying brings no one respect, let alone power or popularity. Bullies soon discover that no one fears them, but hate them for being mean. They may think of themselves as powerful bullies, but at the end of the day, they’re just a bunch of losers, and they soon realize that as well.

Do Bullies Change?

As we said before, your behavior is up to you. How you treat and behave toward others can only change if you want it to. Bullies who want to change have a brighter future.

Adults, such as teachers, counselors, and parents, can help a mean kid seek better versions of themselves. Mean girls need to learn to respect others. Bullies can still find power and popularity by actually being nice. 

It is an individual choice to become better or not to stay the same. 

But no one needs to put up with a bully’s behavior. If you or someone you know is bothered by a bully, talk to someone you trust. Everyone has the right to feel safe, and being bullied makes people feel unsafe. Tell someone about it and keep talking about it until something is done!

Final Note

Those who are unhappy with themselves can’t ever be happy with you. If you have ever been in a situation where you were insulted and couldn’t think of a great comeback, then know that you are not alone!

We’ve all been there, so we hope our list of comebacks helps you find a way out of those situations. 

However, remember that silence is often the best approach, and the more you talk to a bully, the more it feeds their ego. Apply our comebacks only when necessary. Feeling angry is valid, but if you are cruel, it also makes you a bully. 

Also, remember that a bully’s action says more about them than it does about you. Whatever they have to say says nothing about you. Their emotions are not your responsibility. 

Assert boundaries and keep bullies in their place.

Try out our comebacks, or take the high road: forgive, forget and move on. A petty person is not worth your energy. 

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